Loser

I lose things on a pretty regular basis.  I’m not sure if that’s normal, and I’m not sure if my mom is going to be mad when she reads that…but it’s undeniably true.  Sorry, mom!

So here it is: I’m a loser.

I am a loser in a lot of ways: losing things of monetary value is my forte…like how I recently lost my Chacos, but I’m pretty good at constantly forgetting things too.. “the homework is due BY WHAT TIME YOU SAY??”

But lately, I’ve been learning there are some tangible lessons to be learned in being a loser.  It not only builds character and teaches you to be more responsible, but Jesus uses it in the craziest ways to sanctify us and help us understand his character.

Sometimes, you might actually end up thanking God for making you a loser, or asking Him to help you be more of one. 

Let me tell you a story about why I’m a big loser/loser wannabe, and why I want to become more of a loser, and why Jesus rocks because He teaches us in ways tailored to us that he knows we’ll understand. 

I imagine God smiling about this one.

Going through life this fall semester and what do you know, I’m losing things left and right.  “Anybody seen my journal??” “I can’t find my Chacos!” or my personal favorite: “Guys…I need my keys! I have work in 5 minutes!!” THEY ARE ALWAYS MISSING.  

(Also, side note—as I’m currently typing this, I misplaced my gray KAO Patagonia so if anyone has seen it…that’d be cool if you could let me know…)  

Anyways!!!! I was like, Hey God!!!! I’m losing everything!!!! I’m so frustrated!!!!!! HELP ME GET IT TOGETHER. I’M SHAMBLES 24/7. Literally journaling this and I’m pressing too hard on the paper and my sharpie pen tip thing goes into the pen. What is life.

And then the Lord showed up:

“You’re a loser.”

Not what I was expecting to hear. "God, you’re so harsh. Why would you say that to me??  You’re supposed to be encouraging and stuff!"

“I want you to be a loser.  So you need to trust me, and be more of a loser.”

I didn’t understand, but then it slowly started to click.

The Lord has His own plan, His own way, and His own system of doing things in our lives.  But we won’t be able to see them or realize they are there until we lose our own plans, our own ways, and our own system of doing things.

I am so guilty of planning my own future.  "Ok God, I am taking this class early, then going to graduate at this time, then I’ll do this for one year, and then I’m going to move here.  I would like to travel here, then live there, and after that I’ll be ready for you to lead me to the next step. Love, Chloe"

Does that sound familiar? It’s so funny how I know who God is, I say I trust Him, but He has to continually break my plans and teach me the same things over and over. 

I was trying to think of an applicable verse for this situation, and Proverbs 19:21 just happened to be highlighted (thanks God). A simple and perfect truth, “Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.”

What a winner. And a solid reminder that He knows what He’s doing, and doesn’t need our help.

Today, I’m praising God for making me a loser.  How cool that He can use my shambly disarray of a life to point me back to His will, and His plans.

Matthew 16:25

“For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it”

Lord, show us how to lose our lives, and lose our plans.  We want to be losers for you.

The Good Shepherd

I haven't written a post in so long. I guess that's a sign of a really busy and wonderful semester! And it was!

So, on Tuesday I went on a date.

With God.

He said He was in the mood for Panera so that’s where we went!  I bought Him a mango smoothie, and you guys, He is so generous. He let me drink the whole thing by myself! He didn’t even ask for a sip.   

However, the date started off kind of rough. I was kind of being passive aggressive! 

As we sat down, I didn’t want to talk to Him for some reason.  I sat and stared out the window instead.

I look at the color schemes in nature.  The sky next to the grass, wow.  It’s perfect. I turn and face Him and want to thank Him, but then I remember I’m trying to be mad at Him.

“Where ya been?” I say, folding my arms.

“Where have YOU been?” He says back, folding His arms and tapping His foot.  But when He taps his foot, the whole place starts to shake.  I’m embarrassed and cover my face for a moment.

“OK OK OK!” I say, but I can’t help but laugh because He’s just funny. But then it’s serious again.

“I just want to know where exactly You’re working in my life?  Why can’t I see it? Where was your presence here..or there..or when this happened??”

I stare out the window again.  Same picture.  But the sun is shining brighter.  A cute old couple walks by. 

Distracted.. again.

“Ah. Sorry, I got distracted again, God. But I’m really not that sorry: you made me this way..” I say with a little spite in my voice.

He laughs. I said that to provoke Him and He just laughs!  I can’t catch a break with this guy, He’s not easily angered…He keeps no record of wrongs..the list goes on.

“Are you distracted by My beauty?  What a coincidence, because I’m distracted by yours.” He says.

“I’m not fishing for compliments, God! Why won’t you answer my questions?  Are you even listening??” I'm frustrated. 

He rests His hands on the table and looks me in the eyes.  “I was here, I've always been right here.”

“I didn’t feel you, I couldn’t hear you..” I say then turn away.

“Daughter, you know who I am.  But sometimes you stop looking for me.”

“No God, sometimes I don't know who You are. You’re not here, I get lost and—“

He gently interrupts me,

“I am the bread of life (John 6:35)

I am the light of the world (John 8:12)

I am the gate (John 10:9)

I am the good shepherd (John 10:11)

I am the way, the truth—"

I interrupt Him, “Wait, what was that last one??”

He starts quoting John 10:

"I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for his sheep.."

“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me..”

I think it’s ok to doubt where God’s working. Or to wonder if we're actually hearing from Him. Don't we all do it sometimes? 

I  compare my relationship with Him to others or see Him working brilliantly in someone else and wonder if there is enough power to go around.  Is there enough for me God? Do you have time to comfort me, too?  Did You actually say that, or am I making this up? Where are you?

But the truth is, He's there.

The shepherd doesn’t leave His sheep, and when we wander off, He’s waiting.  He remains faithful even when we are faithless.

I’ve recently been so encouraged by John 21 when Jesus appears to His disciples again after His death.  I've had so many questions lately--along with fears and doubts--and I look at this story with so much hope. 

We all know that Peter—the one who Jesus loved—denied Jesus 3 times.  Three times when Jesus was most vulnerable.  That’s got to hurt.

But in John 21 when Peter sees Jesus (for the second or maybe third time) after His resurrection on the beach, Jesus says in verse 12 “Come and have breakfast.”  

He doesn’t shun Peter or remind him of the 3 times he denied him. He invites him to stinking breakfast.

I’m so lucky that Jesus uses broken people. I’m so broken, I’m a mess, but Jesus still takes me to breakfast and says, “I love you”.  He wipes my tears and reminds me that He’s here.  He looks at my anxious heart and says, “be still, and know that I am God.”

I’m so messed up! But God is so faithful. I have so many questions, I lose my hope sometimes, but He is still faithful. I am His little sheep and He is the good shepherd who has to call me back to Him constantly. I wander off but He pats my head as I return time..after time..after time. 

Isaiah 44:22

“I have blotted out your transgressions like a cloud and your sins like a mist; return to me, for I have redeemed you”

Used by the Master in 2013

I am totally one of those New-Year's-Goals-makers.  I make a long list every year and tell all my friends to hold me accountable.

"Ok guys, I'm going to get up every morning at 6AM and run 3 miles! YES, for the whole year! It's totally doable!" 

Wrong-o. That didn't happen in 2011, or 2012.  But it wasn't very rational.  

Another goal we also put near the top is Jesus.  We might just write his name first.

New Year's Goals

1. Jesus

2. More time with the fam

3. Be intentional with friendships

4. blah blah blah

5. Remember deodorant (wait, what?)

etc. 

But as long as I got Jesus on there, I'm good.    right?    I mean, Jesus is first so it's ok.  This is what we typically do.

But this morning I read Steven Furtick's (Pastor of Elevation church in Charlotte, North Carolina) blog, and couldn't agree with it more.

"Instead of putting Jesus first, why aren't we incorporating Him into every aspect of our lives?"  In other words, putting Jesus in the middle.

Jesus in my family. Jesus in my friendships.  Jesus in my finances. 

Instead of Jesus being at the top of my list, why aren't I putting him in the middle with everything branching from Him?

Extraordinary things happen when Jesus is not put off as a separate part of our lives. 

Do you ever feel like the Bible has its more popular sections?  Ya know, those verses that everyone has memorized. For example Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  Such a powerful truth! We know it, we love it, moving on.

But what about the ones that are just as powerful but we sometimes overlook?  Or maybe ones we haven't even heard before!  And we read it and we're just like, 

"OH MY GOSH GOD IS SO GOOD AND THE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW, NOW"

2nd Timothy. It provided me with the previous reaction ^.  In verses 2:20-21, it was one of those WHY HAVE I NEVER HEARD/READ THIS BEFORE AND WHY DOESNT THE WORLD KNOW moments, and it's a perfect example of the Lord using us to do extraordinary things:

"In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for special purposes and some for common use.  Those who cleanse themselves from the latter will be instruments for special purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work"

My heart is pounding.  

Through His grace, we can do great things! We can be used for every special purpose! This is all possible when we let Him come into our lives, not as something separate or overlooked, but as the very center.  The center from which everything branches out!

The Lord has the power to mold us from clay into gold vessels that honor and glorify Him! 

This year, 2013, choose to refuse ordinary! Jesus, we are ready for You to use us for great and mighty things that far surpass our expectations for ourselves.

This is His promise to us in our pursuit of holiness!

And if you need some inspiration, remember His words in John 14:12:

"Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father" 

Is He the man or what.