Defeat

This year has BY FAR been the greatest year ever.  So many things changed in my life, and God completely transformed my heart.  But even through all the victories, these last few weeks have been a little rough.

I've had hard days before, we all have.  But never have I ever felt so much failure as I have felt recently. 

It started out with my grades.  Last semester, I did really well.  I stayed on top of things just like high school, just like my parents expected, just like I told myself I would.  I was motivated and therefore successful.  But this semester has been different.  The semester went by so incredibly fast, and now there's no time to catch up.  I don't know what I was thinking when I didn't study for that psych exam, or that public speaking midterm, or my last spanish test...  In fact, I probably wasn't thinking at all.  Lies that I heard in my head post test grades:

"You will never succeed in life if you can't make an A in that class"

"EVERYONE probably made an A on that test...wow..."

Next came an even greater disappointment.  I had the opportunity to apply for two positions on campus that I was absolutely crazy about.  I told myself I would have to get one or the other, or I wouldn't be happy.  I didn't picture sophomore year without them.  And when I received neither position, I was devastated.  I moped around for an entire day before realizing it actually wasn't the end of the world.  But I was still disappointed.  And I was still beating myself up.  

Satan knew he had victory over me when he told me this lie:

"Chloe, not only are your grades less than perfect, and you're not a strong enough leader to hold any high position on campus... but I also just want to let you know that you're not equipped to be a camp counselor.  You really haven't experienced much in your life, so good luck mending those hurting hearts..."

I was completely defeated.


But in this moment, I realized enough was enough. I sat there thinking of all the lies the devil had been repeating in my head over the course of three weeks.  He wants me to fail, he wants me to stress out over finals, and he loves it when I'm discouraged.


Oh my gosh. It makes me so mad just thinking about it!!  I have realized that the only thing I can do in this situation is shut down his lies with Truth.  Satan has no power over us. NONE.  And we are not DEFEATED! And here's why.

Well, first of all...Grades do not define us, and Jesus won't be looking at our GPA when we get to Heaven!  But He will want me to say that I worked at everything with all my heart, as working for Him.  The problem with this semester has been effort.  But not only effort, trust.  Instead of completely stressing myself out about my GPA, it would be a better idea to prepare myself to the best of my ability--then trust God.  Because "Apart from Him, I can do nothing." Duhhh. Gosh, I've always known that.  But somehow this semester it just fled my mind.  Relying purely on yourself is never a good idea.  

Secondly, identity is found in Christ, not in my resume.  This one is so hard for me.  But it's true.  God will bless those who are humble, not the ones who brag about their success.  I thought I was the coolest because I had done so much on a piece of paper.  But God is the ultimate humble-er (if that makes sense).  Sometimes He closes doors so others can open! And He also promises this:  

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Last but certainly not least!

God will equip me for anything this summer, even if I haven't experienced it before.

2 Corinthians 6:1  I am God's co-worker (I paraphrased this..but yeah, eat that up Satan!)


Exodus 4:12 "Now, therefore go! I will be with your mouth and I will teach you what to say."

Colossians 2:10 "you are complete in Him"

The devil will constantly feed us lies, especially when we're stressed, or just feeling blah in general.  But we have so much power over him!  And we don't have to listen at all.  We do not have to accept failure or defeat!

Make God your focal point.  "Look to Me, refreshing yourself in My Presence, and your steps will be steady and sure."

the diary of an avid people pleaser

People pleasers of the world... listen up.

I have actually been a people pleaser for most of my life, in fact, I'm still in the recovery process.  Somehow, the word "no" has always presented itself as a challenge for me.  Saying no always seemed so harsh.  I always thought that if I said "no" to someone's plans or ideas, they wouldn't like me.  Or maybe they'd take my "no" the wrong way and think that I didn't like them very much.  

Looking back at some situations, they were just silly.  Like spending the night at a friend's house when I was really exhausted and just wanted to go home.  Or going to the movies and paying $10 for a movie I didn't particularly want to see with people I didn't particularly want to spend my Friday night with.

But some situations had the potential to be life altering. Take for example trying to please my parents.  "Do broadcast journalism, Chloe! You'd be so great, plus you'd make lots of money!" said EVERYONE in my immediate family and beyond. 

And then one day, I turned into a maybe girl.

I started avoiding YES and NO altogether.  I just wanted to make everyone happy, so I never gave straight up answers.  It was always just maybe.  Maybe I like you.  Maybe I'll major in whatever you want me to. Maybe I'll go to school wherever you want me to go. Maybe..maybe...

I just wanted people to accept me and like the answers that I gave.  I just wanted to please everyone.  I was afraid of people getting mad at me for not wanting to do what they wanted me to do.  Afraid of stepping on toes or having an opinion that someone else didn't approve of.  Afraid of being disliked.  I tried to change myself to become whatever the world told me I should become.

This is obviously more than just an issue with the word no. It's an issue with approval.

When I am trying to find myself through the approval of others, will I ever be happy?  When I base my decisions off what other people think is right, wrong, or "cool", will I ever be satisfied?  NO. 

I was going through some old boxes in my room over the break and I found this scripture--in my handwriting I might add--written on a piece of notebook paper.   

Galatians 1:10

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God?  Or am I trying to please man?  If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

I love this verse! When we--the people pleasers of this world--turn into God pleasers, we are finally free.  The only opinion that truly matters is God's opinion.  Are we pleasing Him?  Are the choices we make everyday glorifying Him?  If the answer is YES, we have everything we need.  We can find complete satisfaction in knowing that we are pleasing the one true King, Jesus.  

People pleasers, I have news for you...  You don't have to please anyone but Jesus. Don't fall under the pressures of this world, whether they be from parents, friends, or whoever.  We have the power to make our own plans, and be our own person.  If you're living for Him, that's all that matters.   

Sincerely,

Approved