When I think back on my childhood, one of the phrases I distinctly remember my mother repeating to me all too often was this:
"Patience is a virtue"
I don't remember any specific instances when she used it, but I do know that it still resounds in my head to this day...so she obviously said it quite often. Sometimes when I feel myself getting anxious, I still hear her saying it. And I'm thankful for that.
I'll be the first to admit that I often let the little things bother me. For example, I noticed when one of my roommates moved my books to a different spot on my bed. "Did you touch my books??" Emily just looked at me like a deer in the headlights. I laugh at it now, but in the moment I was legitimately annoyed that someone had touched "my books on my bed" waaaa waaaa (cue Debbie Downer music, anyone?). But it's through these moments that I learn about myself.
Come on Chloe, don't sweat the small stuff.
But my impatience stems further than a minor book situation. In fact, lately I've discovered that my current battle is with time. I either want it to slow down, so I can finish my homework; or speed up, so I can get back to Sky Ranch in the summer.
My real home. When I arrived in Van, Texas, three months ago to be a counselor for middle school girls, I had no idea that my relationship with Christ would change so dramatically.
Every week my campers talked about how they didn't want to leave camp with a "sky-high"--that feeling of being on fire for the Lord and so close to Him for about a week after camp ends. Then the fire slowly burns out as camp gets farther and farther away. They said they wanted to keep up in their walk with the Lord. Continuing to seek His face always, not just during camp or hard times.
I would always encourage them and reassure them that they didn't have to have a sky-high. That it is possible to feel close to Jesus while at home. Little did I know that counselors experience the sky-high, too.
My impatient heart cries out,
"I just want to go back to camp, God! I just want to be so close to You! This world has nothing for me. Take me back to the place where I can know you on an intimate level." Maybe you're experiencing this, too. Feeling anxious for a place you've left behind. Maybe coming back to reality or school from a summer that changed your life. Maybe your heart feels frustrated, too.
In these moments of frustration and impatience, wanting to be back with campers, or co-counselors, or the beauty of that pure and simple camp way of life, God has taught me that He is my portion.
I say this all the time, but it's true: This world will never satisfy me. Camp will never be enough. Yes, camp is so beautiful, but it does not have the power to shape me. Only He can shape me. It doesn't matter where I am, or what time of year it is--He will always be the answer, all I have to do is draw close to Him.
One of the most simple verses stood out to me so much the other day,
"The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore I will hope in Him."
A short and simple verse with a HUGE impact on everything going down right now. If the Lord is all I have, I have everything I need, wherever I'm at--emotionally, physically, spiritually. We can approach Him no matter what. It doesn't matter how distanced or close to Him we feel.
When we put our hope in Him, He becomes our portion. Which will always be enough.
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