monsters among us

I'm about 97% sure there is an expository writing class that still exists at OU with the title, "Monsters Among Us".  I don't remember exactly what it's about, or which of my friends took the class, but the name sticks out to me for some reason. 

When I heard the name today...my mind went WHOA.  I started thinking about all the "monsters" in my life.  The cool part? I know they exist in the lives of many others as well.  How is this a good thing?  We can learn from each other and point each other to the ultimate MONSTER CONQUEROR...Jesus Christ. 

I think one of the biggest monsters in my life is perfectionism.  Or maybe it's just the biggest monster I can think of (that is conveniently best friends with all my other monsters in my life).  Perfectionism is ugly.  Unlike the cute ones in Monsters INC...

The perfectionist monster holds us back in so many ways.  He tells us we'll never measure up, and that our work is never good enough.  

I stress incessantly about doing certain things a certain way, until I give up and decide it'll never be the way I want it to, so why keep trying?  But the problem here is: "the way I want it to be" is perfect.  

An impossible standard for a sinful human.

Whether it's grades, fitness, or relationships with people...these are only a few of the areas that come to mind where people strive for perfectionism but often fail greatly.  I being one of them.  

There comes a point where your monster stands in-between you and God.  With the monster standing there, there's no room for growth or connection.  

There are so many monsters...  Things that come between us and the Lord...they wedge their way into our lives and then we look at them, scared and surprised (or with hesitation, not wanting to admit it) even though we had the power to destroy it this whole time.  

superiority. Insecurity. Lack of discipline. Laziness. Self-centeredness. Money. gossip. Revenge. Lust. Selfishness. Gossip. judgement.

Maybe you've struggled with one or ALL of these.  I know I've faced SO MANY.  But the absolute coolest thing about monsters is that we don't have to fight them ourselves. Did you hear that? 

WE DON'T HAVE TO FIGHT THEM OURSELVES. I'm not trying to yell but YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS.

This is truth. It's in the word. 

Jehoshaphat's prayer. 2nd Chronicles. There's about to be a victory in Judah, but the only thing the people need to do is pray for God's help, trust in His word, and worship Him.  The Divine Warrior takes care of the rest.

20:12 (ish)

".....We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on You."

20:15 (ish)

".....for the battle is not yours, but Gods"

20:17

"You will not need to fight in this battle.  Stand firm, hold your position, and see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf."

Holy cow, if this doesn't get you pumped up I don't know what will.  We have all these monsters, but we don't have to fight them alone.  We simply give them to the Lord...that's it.  I picture my monsters slowly shrinking into little miniature pieces of dust that I hold up to the sky..and then Jesus blows them away with a glance in my direction.  

He loves us so much he tells us he will fight those battles for us, we need only be still.  The battle is not ours, it's His.  

I just want to encourage us all to find our monsters, and destroy them with the power of God and His word.  Recognize them. Defeat them.

Finally...

Matthew 17:20 (ESV)

Jesus says this to his disciples after they ask him why he was able to cast a demon out of a young boy but they couldn't,

"He said to them, "Because of your little faith.  For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you."

We have to believe that Christ will destroy these monsters.  Have FAITH, He is powerful.

"Whatever your mountain(monster) may be, speak to it, and it has to move!"

See yuh on the flip side mon-stuhs

He is our portion

When I think back on my childhood, one of the phrases I distinctly remember my mother repeating to me all too often was this:

"Patience is a virtue"

I don't remember any specific instances when she used it, but I do know that it still resounds in my head to this day...so she obviously said it quite often.  Sometimes when I feel myself getting anxious, I still hear her saying it. And I'm thankful for that. 

I'll be the first to admit that I often let the little things bother me.  For example, I noticed when one of my roommates moved my books to a different spot on my bed. "Did you touch my books??" Emily just looked at me like a deer in the headlights.  I laugh at it now, but in the moment I was legitimately annoyed that someone had touched "my books on my bed" waaaa waaaa (cue Debbie Downer music, anyone?).  But it's through these moments that I learn about myself. 

Come on Chloe, don't sweat the small stuff.  

But my impatience stems further than a minor book situation.  In fact, lately I've discovered that my current battle is with time.  I either want it to slow down, so I can finish my homework; or speed up, so I can get back to Sky Ranch in the summer.  

My real home.  When I arrived in Van, Texas, three months ago to be a counselor for middle school girls, I had no idea that my relationship with Christ would change so dramatically.  

Every week my campers talked about how they didn't want to leave camp with a "sky-high"--that feeling of being on fire for the Lord and so close to Him for about a week after camp ends.  Then the fire slowly burns out as camp gets farther and farther away. They said they wanted to keep up in their walk with the Lord.  Continuing to seek His face always, not just during camp or hard times.  

I would always encourage them and reassure them that they didn't have to have a sky-high.  That it is possible to feel close to Jesus while at home.  Little did I know that counselors experience the sky-high, too.   

My impatient heart cries out, 

"I just want to go back to camp, God!  I just want to be so close to You!  This world has nothing for me.  Take me back to the place where I can know you on an intimate level."  Maybe you're experiencing this, too.  Feeling anxious for a place you've left behind.  Maybe coming back to reality or school from a summer that changed your life. Maybe your heart feels frustrated, too. 

In these moments of frustration and impatience, wanting to be back with campers, or co-counselors, or the beauty of that pure and simple camp way of life, God has taught me that He is my portion.  

I say this all the time, but it's true: This world will never satisfy me.  Camp will never be enough.  Yes, camp is so beautiful, but it does not have the power to shape me.  Only He can shape me.  It doesn't matter where I am, or what time of year it is--He will always be the answer, all I have to do is draw close to Him.

One of the most simple verses stood out to me so much the other day, 

"The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore I will hope in Him." 

A short and simple verse with a HUGE impact on everything going down right now.  If the Lord is all I have, I have everything I need, wherever I'm at--emotionally, physically, spiritually.  We can approach Him no matter what.  It doesn't matter how distanced or close to Him we feel. 

When we put our hope in Him, He becomes our portion. Which will always be enough.   

Defeat

This year has BY FAR been the greatest year ever.  So many things changed in my life, and God completely transformed my heart.  But even through all the victories, these last few weeks have been a little rough.

I've had hard days before, we all have.  But never have I ever felt so much failure as I have felt recently. 

It started out with my grades.  Last semester, I did really well.  I stayed on top of things just like high school, just like my parents expected, just like I told myself I would.  I was motivated and therefore successful.  But this semester has been different.  The semester went by so incredibly fast, and now there's no time to catch up.  I don't know what I was thinking when I didn't study for that psych exam, or that public speaking midterm, or my last spanish test...  In fact, I probably wasn't thinking at all.  Lies that I heard in my head post test grades:

"You will never succeed in life if you can't make an A in that class"

"EVERYONE probably made an A on that test...wow..."

Next came an even greater disappointment.  I had the opportunity to apply for two positions on campus that I was absolutely crazy about.  I told myself I would have to get one or the other, or I wouldn't be happy.  I didn't picture sophomore year without them.  And when I received neither position, I was devastated.  I moped around for an entire day before realizing it actually wasn't the end of the world.  But I was still disappointed.  And I was still beating myself up.  

Satan knew he had victory over me when he told me this lie:

"Chloe, not only are your grades less than perfect, and you're not a strong enough leader to hold any high position on campus... but I also just want to let you know that you're not equipped to be a camp counselor.  You really haven't experienced much in your life, so good luck mending those hurting hearts..."

I was completely defeated.


But in this moment, I realized enough was enough. I sat there thinking of all the lies the devil had been repeating in my head over the course of three weeks.  He wants me to fail, he wants me to stress out over finals, and he loves it when I'm discouraged.


Oh my gosh. It makes me so mad just thinking about it!!  I have realized that the only thing I can do in this situation is shut down his lies with Truth.  Satan has no power over us. NONE.  And we are not DEFEATED! And here's why.

Well, first of all...Grades do not define us, and Jesus won't be looking at our GPA when we get to Heaven!  But He will want me to say that I worked at everything with all my heart, as working for Him.  The problem with this semester has been effort.  But not only effort, trust.  Instead of completely stressing myself out about my GPA, it would be a better idea to prepare myself to the best of my ability--then trust God.  Because "Apart from Him, I can do nothing." Duhhh. Gosh, I've always known that.  But somehow this semester it just fled my mind.  Relying purely on yourself is never a good idea.  

Secondly, identity is found in Christ, not in my resume.  This one is so hard for me.  But it's true.  God will bless those who are humble, not the ones who brag about their success.  I thought I was the coolest because I had done so much on a piece of paper.  But God is the ultimate humble-er (if that makes sense).  Sometimes He closes doors so others can open! And He also promises this:  

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Last but certainly not least!

God will equip me for anything this summer, even if I haven't experienced it before.

2 Corinthians 6:1  I am God's co-worker (I paraphrased this..but yeah, eat that up Satan!)


Exodus 4:12 "Now, therefore go! I will be with your mouth and I will teach you what to say."

Colossians 2:10 "you are complete in Him"

The devil will constantly feed us lies, especially when we're stressed, or just feeling blah in general.  But we have so much power over him!  And we don't have to listen at all.  We do not have to accept failure or defeat!

Make God your focal point.  "Look to Me, refreshing yourself in My Presence, and your steps will be steady and sure."

the diary of an avid people pleaser

People pleasers of the world... listen up.

I have actually been a people pleaser for most of my life, in fact, I'm still in the recovery process.  Somehow, the word "no" has always presented itself as a challenge for me.  Saying no always seemed so harsh.  I always thought that if I said "no" to someone's plans or ideas, they wouldn't like me.  Or maybe they'd take my "no" the wrong way and think that I didn't like them very much.  

Looking back at some situations, they were just silly.  Like spending the night at a friend's house when I was really exhausted and just wanted to go home.  Or going to the movies and paying $10 for a movie I didn't particularly want to see with people I didn't particularly want to spend my Friday night with.

But some situations had the potential to be life altering. Take for example trying to please my parents.  "Do broadcast journalism, Chloe! You'd be so great, plus you'd make lots of money!" said EVERYONE in my immediate family and beyond. 

And then one day, I turned into a maybe girl.

I started avoiding YES and NO altogether.  I just wanted to make everyone happy, so I never gave straight up answers.  It was always just maybe.  Maybe I like you.  Maybe I'll major in whatever you want me to. Maybe I'll go to school wherever you want me to go. Maybe..maybe...

I just wanted people to accept me and like the answers that I gave.  I just wanted to please everyone.  I was afraid of people getting mad at me for not wanting to do what they wanted me to do.  Afraid of stepping on toes or having an opinion that someone else didn't approve of.  Afraid of being disliked.  I tried to change myself to become whatever the world told me I should become.

This is obviously more than just an issue with the word no. It's an issue with approval.

When I am trying to find myself through the approval of others, will I ever be happy?  When I base my decisions off what other people think is right, wrong, or "cool", will I ever be satisfied?  NO. 

I was going through some old boxes in my room over the break and I found this scripture--in my handwriting I might add--written on a piece of notebook paper.   

Galatians 1:10

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God?  Or am I trying to please man?  If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

I love this verse! When we--the people pleasers of this world--turn into God pleasers, we are finally free.  The only opinion that truly matters is God's opinion.  Are we pleasing Him?  Are the choices we make everyday glorifying Him?  If the answer is YES, we have everything we need.  We can find complete satisfaction in knowing that we are pleasing the one true King, Jesus.  

People pleasers, I have news for you...  You don't have to please anyone but Jesus. Don't fall under the pressures of this world, whether they be from parents, friends, or whoever.  We have the power to make our own plans, and be our own person.  If you're living for Him, that's all that matters.   

Sincerely,

Approved